FIND ME A MAN LIKE STAN
• WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL
• "FIND ME A MAN LIKE STAN" WEBSITE!
• This website is dedicated to all those women who would like to be as lucky as Ruth was to find a man like Stan.
• This site is also dedicated to those men who would like to emulate Stan (as opposed to immolate him).
• Stan :- has the dress sense and style of Armani
• Stan :- has the quick wit of Robin Williams.
• Stan :- can rival Lenny Bruce and match Mr Rodgers in his story telling.
• Stan :- can croon like Bing and dance like Fred (or is it croon like Fred and dance like Bing!)
• Stan :- is equally comfortable hanging with the boys and flirting with the girls - yes "He's a girly man"
• Stan :- says what he believes in and believes in what he says (well someone has to!)
• Stan :- well, do you know what - Stan is just "The Man!"
• QUIZ: FAVORITES, FACTS, LIKES AND DISLIKES OF STAN
• LIKES: Politicians with balls.
• FAVORITE EXAMPLE: Margaret Thatcher
• NON-PC JOKE What joke did Stan ask Alan to tell to Nancy Reagan when he met her? "Doctor tells patient the terrible news that he has Alzheimers AND Cancer. The patient pauses for a while then says " Cancer, eh! I guess it could have been worse. At least I don't have Alzheimers."
• FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE TO TEENAGERS
• "No Glove, No Love"
• FASTEST TIME GETTING READY FOR WORK
• 4 hours 23 minutes
• NUMBER OF POSSIBLE COMBINATIONS OF SHOES, TIES, PANTS, AND JACKETS IN STAN's CLOSET
• 9 trillion 69 billion 45 million 13 thousand and 7
• FASTEST COMMUTE TIME 1 hour 51 min
• SLOWEST COMMUTE TIME 1 hour 51 min
• AVERAGE COMMUTE TIME 1 hour 51 min
• CUMULATIVE SLEEP DEPRIVATION OVER PAST 20 YEARS
• 9 years 12 months 3 days
• STAN's BEST PERSONAL QUOTE
• "Deer are the cockroaches of suburbia!"
• RUTH and STAN PILLOW TALK
• Stan - "Was I gentle enough last night?"
• Ruth - "No, you almost woke me up"
STAN THE MAN
Stan boasts that he makes love like a Gangsta
Pity that Ruth says you're hung like a Hamster!
You love to hang around the house
But please stop wearing Ruthie's panties and blouse!
He writes a love letter to Ruth every morning
And makes regular guys like us look totally boring!
Poor Stan gets so little quality sleep
Instead of counting them, he names the sheep!
At weekends Ruth is the only one to drive
Because she wants to keep the family alive!
His car is full of heavy metal
And he drives with his foot hard on the pedal!
Everyday he drinks gallons of coffee
No wonder he always has to stop and pee!
He goes to sleep at every traffic light
And so gets stopped by cops almost every night!
He never leaves home without his GPS and PDA
Without them he would never be able to find his way
The man is never, ever far from his phone
In fact ET's original line was "Stan Kaplan call home"
At work he spends his time tickling the nurses
Or chasing behind ambulances or hearses!
And when the highways are slippery with snow
Stan knows he going to make some serious dough!
Stan is very dedicated to his family
Ruth, Matt, Scott and adorable Sophie
So please join me in celebrating his 50th year
And give "Stan the Man" a great big cheer!